establishing a high-performance culture of innovative grilled cheese practices

to whom it may concern:

as president and executive producer of corporate grilled cheese innovations, i would like to introduce our newest offering: the carefully architected grilled cheese production lunch hour. should you be interested in exploring the comprehensive and exhaustively researched grilled cheese initiative,  the resulting achievement of stated business objectives may resemble the following:


(okay, i’m not really opening a corporate grilled cheese business. although that would be kind of excellent, i am already moving to london to start this business. but i did have a fantastic morning of  semi-professional grilled cheese making at a financial district office, thanks to the invitation of my lovely friend julie, co-delicious food eater and co-conspirator at the grilled cheese invitational a few weeks ago. it was fantastic meeting her super cool and hilariously funny co-workers and grilling sandwiches on an empty desk in the middle of a trading floor. thanks guys!)

however,  should i ever decide to should i ever decide to solidify my role as corporate facilitator of inter-departmental grilled cheesery, i’d like to offer a potential scenario of how i plan to achieve an operationally effective grilled cheese vision.

as per our discussion, i will show up at your office with a list of previously agreed-upon deliverables, including a cutting board, several sizes of knives, two spatulas, and all edible ingredients, and set them on the desk next to your complicated conference phone set-up and your tape dispenser. available resources may or may not include artisan bakers‘ sourdough pullman bread, garlic and chive goat cheese, sliced orange cheddar, sliced tomatoes, pickled peppers in garlic oil, cracked black pepper, all natural pastrami and an industry-leading stockpile of butter.


aside: if you happen to be a key enabler like julie, you will have brought your own panini press, but i don’t expect you to be quite so prepared. you’re probably also not cool enough to let me outsource the buttering of 25 pieces of bread to you while decked out in your business casual. however, you might have some sort of confusing machine on your desk that sends messages like an evil japanese robot from an 80’s sci-fi movie, and then i might find you more exciting.


next steps will cover several action items, such as the buttering of bread, the placing of cheese and meat, the panini pressing, the adding of tomatoes and peppers, and the leveraging of other value-added attributes into an impactful and highly effective product.


another example of a world class, high-performing benchmark achieved through the industrious application of proven production techniques:


after tasting, prepare to experience a total paradigm shift. i’m sure you’ll agree that the presentation of our core competency has resulted in a win-win situation for all relevant parties and shareholders. thank you for your attention and i greatly appreciate the chance to present a fully integrated grilled cheese solution and look forward to doing so again in the future.


–mei, upwardly mobile middle manager of grilled-cheese-at-your-office-and-in-your-face-awesometown.

5 Responses

  1. Ian says:

    you should make this page dazzle the same way you make your food pages come to life.

    Just write some funny shit. Take a pic of yourself. Throw in a grilled cheese if it makes the mood feel right.

    Right now, that page looks weak.



  2. Sarbjit says:

    Wow! You make me want a grilled cheese sandwich full of goodies.

    Interested in your opinion on the tomato issue though. I like it in concept but find it super heats in the sandwich and sticks like napalm to my lips causing burns.

  3. mei says:

    ooh i love tomatoes (toMAHtoes?) in grilled cheese. they add another layer of gooosh that i like. but they have to be really good, ripe flavorful tomatoes, otherwise they just add a mealiness that i really dislike. the napalm factor is an important consideration though…

  4. dave says:

    have you been to the truck lately???
    the grilled cheese truck that is!!!

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